Two former peer students at the Queen’s Foundation theological college Birmingham find themselves working together for AtaLoss charity united in their passion for supporting people in their grief. They were students in the same cell group in 2012-2014 and have remained in touch with each other and the other members of their group ever since.
Nicky Grey, Head of Church Engagement & Cassius Francis, Regional Trainer and Ambassador for AtaLoss also work as Chaplains in Prison and Hospital settings respectively.
This month includes baby loss awareness week and we are also fast approaching the season of remembering. Nicky and Cassius offer two contrasting pieces of work for reflection and information.
Foundational Research for a Christian Resource for Parents
on Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Baby Loss
Alongside his work with AtaLoss, Reverend Cassius Francis is a Chaplain employed with Birmingham Women’s and Children’s NHS Foundation Trust (BWC). Through his recent Masters studies with Nazarene Theological College, he opted to conduct foundational research for a Christian resource for parents on miscarriage, stillbirth and baby loss.
The introduction of the UK Government’s baby loss certificate, in February 2024, has raised the awareness of additional support needed for bereaved parents. The Pregnancy Loss Review led by Zoe Clark-Coates, a bereaved Christian parent, and Samantha Collinge, a bereavement midwife, recommended that parents’ spiritual care needs were an important aspect that hospital chaplaincy services could meet.1 The report identified that Birmingham as a pilot area providing chaplaincy support for bereaved parents and similar support should be rolled out nationally.
While BWC’s bereavement team and multi-faith chaplains are leading the way by providing bereaved parents with a box of support resources, differentiated with items based on a parent’s religious beliefs. The chaplaincy team identified there were no resources included specifically to support Christian parents. To address this gap the research question was devised ‘what are the key components and the relevant format for an ecumenical Christian resource on miscarriage, stillbirth and baby loss for bereaved parents?’
The research approach was based on a literature review centred on parents’ bereavement stories and questionnaires completed by Christian chaplains at BWC with experience of supporting Christian parents.
The research findings identified key themes of appropriate scriptures, inclusion of Christian and non-religious objects, symbols and resources, space for parents to ask faith and medical questions, sensitivity to parents’ experiences, support and signposting. Crucial to the relevant format is simplicity recognising varied bereavement experiences. While there were common themes, the research identified there should be both combined and separate Christian resources for the different losses of miscarriage, stillbirth, and baby loss.
The research concluded that parents’ voices and experiences needed to remain central to the final resource, with sensitivity around language. Attention should be paid to inclusivity for men and LGBTQ+ parents, and acknowledgment of existing ethnic inequalities, particularly for Black and South Asian communities. The next stage of this project will be to produce a resource for bereaved parents to use. However, during the initial phase of research a number of useful sources were identified which could be used to equip those supporting bereaved parents who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth or baby loss (listed below):
Amure, Datola. ‘Balanced Wheel’. My Struggle with My Faith after Losing My Child (blog), 2 March 2022. https://balancedwheel.co.uk/losing-my-child/
Clark-Coates, Zoe. The Baby Loss Guide. London: Orion Spring, 2019.
Gantlett, Katherine. Walking Through Winter. Hertfordshire: Instant Apostle, 2021.
Gunn, Bex, and Laura Buckingham. The Worst Girl Gang Ever: A Survival Guide for Navigating Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss. Dublin: Harper Collins Publishers, 2023.
Kettle, Anna. ‘Anna Kettle’. A Theology of Miscarriage (blog), Undated. https://www.annakettle.com/blog/a-theology-of-miscarriage
King, Kay. Why Baby Loss Matters. London: Pinter & Martin, 2020.
Nall, Charlotte. Little Fingers: Never Alone in the Shadows – A Gift for the Bereaved Parent. Birmingham: Little Fingers, 2014.
Nash, Emma. A Pastoral Theology of Childlessness. London: SCM Press, 2021.
Nash, Paul, Madeleine Parkes and Zamir Hussain. Multifaith Care for Sick and Dying Children and their Families. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2015.
O’Donnell, Karen. The Dark Womb: Re-Conceiving Theology Through Reproductive Loss. London: SCM Press, 2022.
Schumacher, Eric E. Ours: Biblical Comfort for Men Grieving Miscarriage. The Good Book Company, 2022.
Wedgeworth, Abbey. Held: 31 Biblical Reflections on God’s Comfort and Care in the Sorrow of Miscarriage (Meditations on Psalm 139 to Help Women Suffering the Heartbreak of Pregnancy Loss and Still Birth). The Good Book Company, 2020.
West, Lucy. The Wait: Finding Peace When Facing the Challenge of Infertility. Deeside: Equipping the Church, 2023.
For further background information see BWC’s Chaplaincy Bereavement Support https://bwc.nhs.uk/chaplaincy-bereavement-support/
In this Season of Remembering, we offer our thanks to the Churches for all you plan to do, for the special services you plan to offer and for the support you will give to those struggling with bereavement, grief and loss.
2 We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. 3 We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labour prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thessalonians 1:2-3
The Church Engagement team for Loss and Hope are encouraged by the provision of space within many of our Churches enabling those at a loss to “be with others who just get it!”
However, as Christians, we often find ourselves supporting people with life experiences far different to our own and this calls for us to carry the humility of Christ with us in our work.
In this season of remembering we have been thinking deeply about grief humility.
In Schools RE teachers talk about the Golden rule of “treating others as you want to be treated” But what about the “Rhodium” rule, to treat others as they want to be treated. This is a far more challenging rule because it forces us outside of ourselves.
In our earlier version of TheBereavementJourney materials, we included a quote ….…..“Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint” David Kessler
The longer we work in this field, the more grieving people we talk to. And the more grieving people we speak to, the more we know about what we can never know. A true “grief expert” may understand concepts and theories and can bust grief myths, normalise and validate- but they also know when it comes down to understanding anyone’s individual grief, they know very little.
Grief humility invites and asks us to be okay with not knowing.
Grief humility is an approach that recognises the deep-rooted uniqueness of each grieving individual. It involves self-reflection, an acknowledgement of the vast unknown in the grieving process, and a commitment from us to ongoing learning from diverse grief experiences.
It’s a continuous process of understanding and adapting to the experiences of each person in their grief. The vast range of reactions and needs in grief demand a more individualised and flexible approach.
The feedback we receive from those who have participated in the TheBereavementJourney demonstrates that bespoke bereavement journeys are enabled with the use of the materials, participants sharing and your skilful facilitation.
We are also encouraged that Churches working towards The Bereavement Friendly Church Charter are working at offering a more flexible approach within their worship and other aspects of Church Life to meet the individual and collective needs of bereaved people.
A genuine thank you for all you are doing and please do keep informing us of the developments you are working on, so that we may encourage one another.
Nicky Grey (Revd)
Head of Church Engagement